In less than 3 weeks, my new course starts. I’m really looking forward to getting started. I’m trying to get myself motivated for restarting personal therapy, for reading, trying to retain information and for learning new things. I’m preparing myself for meeting my fellow classmates, hoping I’ll find among them like-minded people. Hopefully they are not all very, very young. I’m preparing myself for juggling the course with work and the rest of my life, all aspects of which are equally important.
I’m a bit scared also, afraid that I will not be ‘enough’, good enough, smart enough or compassionate enough to the needs of others. I think I have identified my two biggest hurdles that I will have to overcome in order to help others in their own journeys to wellness. Firstly there is a thing I do which to the best of my knowledge is an ADHD trait. My method of displaying empathy is to jump straight to my own past experiences – “I know exactly how you feel because when ‘X’ happened to me, I felt the same way and I overcame it by doing ‘Y’. I will have to train myself out of this habit as a matter of priority and learn to separate my experiences from those of others.
My second hurdle is that I am terrified I will say the wrong thing to someone, or say it in the wrong tone of voice, or sound abrupt without meaning to.
I guess these two things are possible topics of discussion for my first personal therapy session. I also need to relax and enjoy the process, I’m hoping my inner catastrophising and the ‘what ifs’ will quiet down a lot as I start to settle into the course and its content. I’m at the tail-end of a Covid infection and have had too much time this past week to let my brain lose the run of itself. Writing down my thoughts and sharing has helped immensely though.
At the end of the day, I’m just reminding myself that I feel ready for this journey, I’m going to go into this process with an open mind and aim to get as much as I can from this course. I remind myself that my main reason for going into this is for my own personal development and growth. I remind myself that I’m really looking forward to it and that the benefits for me personally of doing this course are potentially immense. I will enjoy the process and grow stronger along the way.
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