“Trying to Live My Best Life” – this is my tag line on my Facebook profile. Something that has come up a few times in the past few months for me is the concept of toxic positivity. In the Disney movie Inside out the character Joy is the personification of toxic positivity. Joy is an emotion that lives in Riley’s head, In the first part of the movie Joy becomes increasingly overbearing and dominates Riley’s other emotions. Riley is only allowed to feel happy and in the process of making this happen, Joy unwittingly suppresses Riley’s other emotions.
We have all had people tell us “cheer up, it might never happen”, or other toxically positive phrases that only serve to make us feel worse. We know this yet we still trot out the same lines to others when they are not in the best form. Most of us have been conditioned to be toxically positive from a very young age. Everyone wants to be friends with the person who seems eternally happy. In the link below is a list of toxic positivity phrases and ideas of things we can replace them with.
https://mamiepack.com/2022/04/16/toxic-positivity-10-harmful-phrases-that-hinder-healing/
My least favourite phrases in the English language all start with “At least … “ “At least …” minimizes the other persons feelings, it’s the same as saying look on the bright side. When someone is feeling complex emotions like fear, anxiety, frustration or overwhelm, replying with a phrase beginning with “at least” can be very condescending. Dr Brene Brown gives a great explanation of it in this short YouTube video.
I myself have a disconnect from emotions my younger self was not allowed to feel. I developed defense mechanisms that were necessary at the time to get me through some tough times. I have a tendency to rationalize other peoples words and behaviour away, this strategy does not serve me well anymore. In order to be able to sit with other people’s emotions, I believe I need to sit with my own first. Recognize and embrace sadness, anger and fear in yourself and those around you. Modern day illiteracy is the inability to learn, unlearn and relearn. Unlearning something that has been instilled in us from a young age is hard, but anything is possible when we become aware of our shortcomings and we possess the desire to change.
"Trying to Live My Best Life" in my Facebook profile tag line needs to be retired I think, so time to have a think about what to replace it with …
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